Life in the Galleries: Getting Around

So, many weird things happen in museums. Visitors are most of them. I do intend to come up with a "please never do this" list at some point, but meanwhile I just want to address some of the strange conversations I (or, by report, other guides) have had over the years with regards to different difficulties apparently faced for no particular reason, and other general weirdnesses.

Let's start with the basics: navigating the museum. I should specify that all the museums I have ever worked in have been one-way routes.

Visitor, having come into gallery: Which way do we start?
Guide, confused: ...Um
Visitor: Or don't you know?
Guide: No, it just doesn't matter. 

***
 
Visitor, coming up to guide on gallery: Excuse me, how do we get in?
Guide, confused: ...to where?
Visitor: To the exhibit.
Guide: Um... where did you come in?
Visitor: Over there. ~points to entrance~ How do we get to the exhibit?
Guide: This is the exhibit.
Visitor: Yes, but how do we get in?

***

Visitor, walking into gallery: Where do we start?
Guide: Well, I'd suggest looking at the objects.

***

Visitor, in room with single exit: How do we carry on from here?
Guide: would like to say By walking, but instead contents self with pointing to the door

***

Visitor, to friend: How do we get out of here? ~heads straight for large fire door covered with signs saying "alarmed door" in several languages~


There are clearly all kinds of problem going on here, not to mention the number of people who manage to go around backwards through an entire museum without apparently ever noticing that nothing's in order. Fine. Not really my problem; we've done what we can. But these are really tricky questions to answer sometimes, as a guide, so if it takes us a moment to answer, it's not because we don't know the layout of our own museum* but because we're trying to figure out what information we can possibly provide that you don't already have.


*Thanks, by the way, for making that assumption, visitor.